I think probably the worst mistake I’ve ever made was to chronically imagine — over the course of decades — that my own anger would be perceived and understood by its diverse observers as rational and justified when rather to the contrary it has for the most part been construed as irrational and wholly unprovoked.
I can’t speak for anyone else in saying this, but I feel quite confident at this point in asserting that whenever I personally feel anger — or any of its siblings and cousins (frustration, annoyance, irritability, etc.) — it’s a safe bet that anyone who finds out about these feelings will judge me to be overreacting or out of line, perhaps a bit ridiculous.
At least in my own case, it seems clear that my own anger is only rarely seen as legitimate or taken seriously as a rational and valid communication of useful information regarding a problem that should be solved. As a direct consequence of this pattern, my own anger has rarely accomplished anything useful and has often contributed to the failure of many interpersonal relationships.
Conclusion: good rules (for me, at least, to follow) appear to be, in the first place, don’t get angry, and second, if I do get angry, keep it hidden till I calm down.
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